Saturday, October 01, 2005

Center for Blog Control

As announced in my previous post,Government declares War on Blogs, I managed to secure an interview with Dr. Dulnife Butcher(M.D), the head of the Center for Blog Control.
Me: "Good Morning Dr.Butcher. Can you please tell me a little about the CBC?"
Dr: "Well, in the beginning I thought the CBC was just an over reaction by the President. But, in the few weeks that we have been operative, I have realized the true nature of the BLOG threat to our nation."
Me: "Really? But how? I can't see how blogs can pose any kind of threat to national security."
Dr: "Well then, tell me what you think after I've shown you what we found."
(Dr.Butcher walks me over to their High Security Containment Wing. We walk by the isolation chambers.)
Dr: "Take a look at our first patient here. He has spent so much time BLOGing that he is now totally unaware and unable to deal with reality. Since we placed him in this room, with no access to a computer, he has been running around like a confused and frightened squirrel."
Me: "Woah, poor guy!"
Dr: "The condition of this next patient is even more tragic. Notice how lifeless he looks. He just lays there, only moving his eyes occasionally."
Me: "Oh, my GOD! He can't be over 20! What happened to him?"
Dr: "Apparently he had been involved in something called "The Battle of the Blogs" on a web site called BlogExplosion. Numerous repeated and crushing defeats have left him in this state of total psychological and physiological break down."
(I am too stunned for words. We walk to the next room, occupied by a young pretty woman lying in exactly the same way as the previous patient. She has however, a strange smile on her face.)
Me: "Oh No! Not her as well!"
Dr: "Actually, the symptoms may look similar, but the cause is different. This young woman had a very witty, funny and thought provoking BLOG. Unfortunately, she OD'ed when one of her posts received a deluge of overwhelmingly positive feedback. We are putting her through a rehabilitation program and she seems to be responding."
Me: "This is un*#$%ing believable!"
Dr: "Yes, if only we had been aware of this much earlier, we might have contained it before it became so wide spread. Many are only now becoming aware of the nature and proportion of this grave disease."
Me: "Disease? But this sounds more like an issue of self control and mis-guided priorities."
Dr: "Ah, you would be fooled into thinking so! However, I believe that BLOGing is an epidemic in the making and will soon emerge as a major threat to national health."
Me: "Okay, so how are you going to address this "dis-ease"?"
Dr: "We have assembled a top-notch team of scientists and researchers. We are studying and experimenting on active Bloggers in our BLOG Research wing."
Me: "And have you found a cause for this Blog disease?"
Dr: "Well the President believes it started as a result of people indulging in the un-natural act of making love to computers, but officially we are still stumped."
Me: "Well, Good luck on your efforts Doctor and thank you for you time."
Dr: "Thank you."

3 comments:

The Phoenix said...

Forget bird flu, blogging is the real threat.

. said...

Funny, and I can take or leave blogging, honest.

Ted.

dorna! said...

Where do I sign up for the study?