Monday, October 04, 2004

Conspiracy un-earthed...

I have just un-earthed a Devilish conspiracy! GOD's workers are trying to keep us out of HELL! No, I'm serious; this is not a joke people. Just think about it for a second. GOD believes in purity, innocence, kindness, compassion and that sort of crap. The Devil believes in defying everything GOD stands for. The Devil believes in self-gratification, immorality, promiscuity, irresponsibility and decadence. Almost everything that is fun, comes under the Devil's jurisdiction. The LAST thing that the Devil wants to do is help GOD, by putting the fear of HELL in people. If the Devil had the chance to show us the real HELL, it would become an extremely popular destination.

HELL is where
1. Its all about self-indulgence. Orgies, for the rest of eternity, if you so choose.
2. You can get drunk, high or whatever the hell else you want to do.
3. You can spend the rest of eternity just playing video games. Where the HELL do you think the best games came from?
4. You have absolutely no responsibilities whatsoever.
5. You can't die or kill anyone. So after a few hundred years or so of being in HELL, you just learn to get along with everybody else.
6. There are no rules.
7. There are NO rules!!

ON the other hand Heaven is where
1. You have to follow all the rules(You spend the first 300 years memorizing each rule.)
2. You will be selectively lobotomized so that you can't have any violent or impure thoughts.
3. You will be encased into a copy of the same perfect asexual body. You will be altered to have no sexual feelings. Actually, you will be deprived of ALL human feelings; pain, joy, love, fear, etc.
5. You can't do anything even remotely funny, because it might affect someone else's sensibilities.
6. You will have to be the guardian angel for some loser on Earth.
7. You will be surrounded by stuck up, boring, stiff-lipped knuckleheads.
8. Life will be strictly disciplined and pre-determined. As soon as you reach heaven, you will be given your fixed schedule for the rest of eternity.

So, think again my friend, think VERY carefully; where do you really want to go? The choice is yours.